My first post speed dating date

Last night I went on my first date that was a direct result from speed dating.  Of course I've done some kissing as a direct result of some of the singles parties, but this was my first actual date with someone who I met speed dating.  The date was with R2 who I met at Karaoke Lover's speed dating.  R2 is 4 years older than me.  He is divorced and has 2 daughters.  He does pharmaceutical sales and he lives in Westchester.  For many NYC'ers this would be a turn off, but since I live in the NW Bronx, it's not too bad.  He actually lives closer to me than someone in Brooklyn would.  R2 decided to take the train into the city since we were going to meet for drinks and we met at Grand Central.  From there we used our phones to find bars and actually found one nearby that did KARAOKE!  Why not, since we had that in common.   So we each put in songs to sing and got some drinks.  While we were waiting we chatted about our lives and it turns out that we have a lot in common.  The bar was crowded with a lot of karaoke regulars, so it was about 40 minutes before our names were called.  So....R2 told me about a bar in Westchester that he goes to and has won their big karaoke contest at.  When we were at speed dating we did Bust A Move together, so he didn't actually sing.  When he got up to sing, he had an ok voice, but certainly not one I'd write home about.   I wonder about the people he competed against.  Fortunately he is not trying to be a professional singer, and I really enjoyed talking with him, so it didn't matter to me what he sounded like...it was great that he wanted to participate.   The thing that sucks about the Metronorth is that the last train leaves at about 1am, so we had to end our date so he could get home.  I walked with him back to Grand Central and we made plans to go out again.  When he leaned in to give me a kiss it was very proper and chaste.  Perfect for a first date.

Bombay Dreams

I finally feel like I’ve gotten into the swing of things with hosting.  The event from a few nights ago was called Bombay Dreams.  It was for Indian women and the men who love them.  There were a lot of men who signed up for this event but not quite as many women, so I was able to invite a friend to come.  The women were all beautiful and seemed very nice and intelligent.  The men were a complete mix of everything.  There were Indian, Black, White and Latinos.  This was the first time that I was hosting an event that I didn’t fit into the theme.   However, since there were about 3 more men than women, I jumped in.  When I guy got to me I told them that even though I wasn’t Indian I was single and if they wanted to they could speed date me…or they could take a break.  Every guy except one decided to speed date me as well.  But here was the interesting thing about the man who didn’t want to speed date me.  He was white but from Europe, I’m not sure what country, but he had an accent.  After I told him that he could date me or take a break he looked at me and broke into a very stereotypical and almost mocking Indian pose with a bobble of the head and in an Indian accent told me “you aren’t Indian, why would I want to date you.”  I wasn’t offended that he didn’t want to date me because I am not what was advertised for the event.  But I found his imitation to be not the sincerest form of flattery.  I would be willing to bet that if any of the women had heard him, they would have been offended. 

So clearly, for the other men, my not being Indian didn’t matter as I was chosen by 4 guys.  I liked two of them.  They were both in the Marines.  But here is the conflict…these two guys came together.  They are in the Marines together and are good friends.  Do I email both of them?  There is one that I do think is better looking.  I think I will start with him and then see what happens.

Karaoke Lovers Update

I was really excited because the day after the Karaoke Lovers speed dating I picked both R1 and R2 and they picked me too.  Here is the email exchange between R1 and myself.  He is the one who didn't sing, but who danced with me. 

----- Original Message -----
From: R1
To: Hostess with the Mostess
Sent: Sunday, October 17, 2010 5:56 PM
Subject: So Interested

It was so great meeting you at the Karaoke event last night and I am glad we are a match. You are fun, beautiful, intelligent, and sexy. What more could a man ask for lol? Hope we can hook up and hang out one on one so that we can get to know each other better. Until later?

R1

----------------
Date: Sun, 17 Oct 2010 19:50:21 -0400
From: Hostess with the Mostess
Subject: Re: So Interested
To: R1


Oh R1....flattery will get you everywhere. I enjoyed meeting you as well. I would like to get to know you better too.

Hostess with the Mostess

----- Original Message -----
From: R1
To: Hostess with the Mostess
Sent: Sunday, October 17, 2010 9:33 PM
Subject: RE: So Interested

So, how do we start this? Are you an e-mailer, texter, prefer phone conversation? Lady's choice.

R1

----------------
Date: Sun, 17 Oct 2010 22:21:58 -0400
From: Hostess with the Mostess
Subject: Re: So Interested
To: R 1


All three work fine for me. I seem to be really busy this week, so email and texting might work best to start.  (insert my number here)

Hostess with the Mostess

----- Original Message -----
From: R1
To: Hostess with the Mostess
Sent: Monday, October 18, 2010 11:43 PM
Subject: RE: So Interested

Will call, e-mail, or text tomorrow. Night, night, sunshine

R1

So, it's been 3 days since R1 told me that he would get in contact with me, but I haven't heard anything from him.  How annoying.  Guys if you say you are going to do something, DO IT!  What a turn off!  I guess I could email him again and ask what happened, but I feel like if he was "SO INTERESTED" he would have called when he said he would.

But the greatest thing about working for the speed dating company is that I know I'll always have another event where I'll meet 10-20 more guys around the corner.  And R2 also emailed and he actually followed through.  We have a date next week.  That is the way you should do things.  Strike while the iron is hot.  I will post after our date.

Speed Dating Tip #1

I thought it would be helpful to post some of the tips that I've learned about speed dating...here is the first!

Don't talk too much about work.  This is not a job interview.  Besides just stating what you do, you really don't need to go into it. 

The the Beauty and the Geek speed dating, there was one guy who I thought was cute but he spent the entire date talking about his job.  I really didn't need to know the specifics about his computer programming job.  All I need to know is that you have some disposable income and hopefully you like your job.

Karaoke Lovers

I was really looking forward to Karaoke Lovers speed dating.  I wasn’t hosting but I definitely wanted to participate, so my boss invited me to come.  This event was speed dating and then everyone stayed to do karaoke.  It was so much fun.  It was so great to know that everyone liked to do karaoke, an automatic commonality.  The funniest speed date was with a guy who was really serious about karaoke.  I asked him what his go to songs were, because we all have them, and he whipped out his phone.  He had an entire list of karaoke songs…I’m not talking about 2-3 or even 5-6.  He had to have at least 25 songs in the file.  But what was weird was that he wouldn’t let me read the whole list.  Did he think I was going to steal his songs?  He was so protective of it and I really didn’t understand it.  He just read off a couple of the songs that he did most often.  Overall though this entire group was a lot of fun.  Everyone sang by themselves and then people started doing duets and group numbers.  When people weren’t singing they would dance to the other singers.  There were two guys R1 and R2 who I really hit it off with.  I sang Bust A Move with R2.   R1 wouldn’t sing, but we danced a few times.  There were a couple of other guys who picked me after the event, but I really liked the Rs and they both picked me.  We’ll see what happens.

Theme Suggestions

I have been posting on Facebook about my new job hosting speed dating and one of the guys who I met on my cruise emailed me with some theme suggestions.  I thought they were really funny so I wanted to share them...

 

Here are a few speed dating ideas I may like:
-overweight men and the ladies who love them (you have it for big women but not vice versa)
-financial services professionals
-Men with MBAs
-men from NJ, LI, Westchester, and surrounding area and the ladies who want to date them (can also do women from those areas and the men who like them)

now the perfect one for me:
-men from NJ who are overweight with an MBA and ladies who love them :)

Double Birthday Party

This weekend was the birthday of two of my dance class friends.  CA, my crazy wing woman from girls night out and A.  They have the same birthday so they decided to have a joint birthday party.  All of my wing women were going to be there along with a bunch of my other friends from class, so it was guaranteed to be a great time.  We were having a great time drinking and playing pool when all of a sudden I noticed two guys.  We decided to chat with them and learned that they were West Point Cadets with the night off.  One was from the mid-west who N, one of my wing women was talking to, and the other was from South America.  While they weren’t in uniform I could just imagine what they looked like.  Yum.  Of course, I am familiar with West Point and the fact that they were cadets made me curious about how old they were.  The South American told me that he was only 26.  Yikes!  I thought he was cute but he was 9 years younger than me.  But the alcohol was in charge and for that night I just didn’t care, especially when he kissed me!  He had great lips and beautiful eyes and he was a wonderful kisser.  He whispered in my ear “take me home with you.”   I looked him in those dark brown eyes and promptly burst into tears!  The look that overtook his face was of sheer confusion.  If I wasn’t a hot mess it would have been really funny.  He asked me what was wrong and I cried “I don’t want a one night stand….I want a husband!”  I ran towards the bathroom and found my friend R and threw myself into his arms sobbing.  My other friend A saw me run from the guy and came to find me fearing that something had happened.  “What did he do to you?  Do I need to beat that guy up?” he shouted.  At which point I had to explain that the cadet had done nothing wrong but as I was making out with him I realized that it would never be anything more than a one night stand and what I really wanted was a serious relationship.  I was sure it would be a good time but it wasn’t what I wanted.  I wanted more and jumping into bed with someone would not get me any closer to that.  So I went into the bathroom to clean myself up and amazingly when I returned to the bar, the cadet was still there!  I apologized to him profusely explaining that he had done nothing wrong, but that I couldn’t take him home with me.  I’m sure he thought I was the craziest woman he had ever met in his life.  It certainly wasn’t what he was looking for that night.  At that point I started drinking water so I could sober up.  I went home that night with a clear idea of what I wanted in my life.  I hope I find it.

Hot or Not

The speed dating company has an event called Hot or Not.  The way it works is that you cannot just sign up, you have to submit a picture and if you are deemed by us to be hot, then you are allowed to come to the event.  I wasn’t hosting this event, which was speed dating followed by a mixer, but my boss invited me to come and check it out.  When I arrived I was excited to see that G, from Finance-ista speed dating was there.  We chatted for quite a bit.  There was also a firefighter who was in the FDNY Calendar and I also met this other guy, TS who I thought was also very good looking.   It seemed that Hot or Not definitely delivered what it advertised.   At one point during the night I relieved one of the other hosts from the door so she could visit the ladies room.  G was chatting with me up front and when the other host came back he started blatantly flirting with her right in front of me.  I was so disappointed and a bit annoyed.  To do it right in front of me was kind of insulting…but the room was full of good looking men, so it wasn’t hard to move on.  The other host told me that she thought that he was really rude to do that to me and that she would never go out with a guy like that.  At least it backfired on him!  I ended up chatting with TS and getting a bit cozy with him on one of the couches in the back when my boss asked me if she could talk to me.  She told me that TS, while really nice and good looking, was a little strange and probably not the best choice.   So what do I do?  Discover the strangeness by myself or take my boss at her word?  When I went to look for him he completely disappeared…so I guess he made the choice for me.

Stacked

I got to host my first event by myself although my boss did come so that if there were any disasters we could handle them together.  The event was themed “Stacked” for busty women and the men who love them.  I was nervous about giving the introductory speech.  I was worried that I would forget something, like exactly how the event would run or some logistical detail.  Unfortunately I forgot the most important thing…the title of the event.  Instead of saying welcome to Stacked night, I said welcome to BUSTED night.   I know that if you have ample bussoms you are called busty, but when you call someone busted, it is not a compliment.  I didn’t even realize I did it until after I finished the speech.  My boss pointed it out but fortunately we had a good laugh about it.  I will never forget the title of an event again!  I participated in this event because I do fit the category and I was picked by the person who I liked best, so I emailed him after the event.  We will see if we go out or not.

Finance-ista

About a week after getting to participate in my first speed dating event with my new company, my boss asked me to come help her out with the Finance-ista speed dating event.  This event was for men in finance and women in the arts or fashion.  I arrived early so I could learn how to set up the events and I got to check everyone in.  I had to give them their nametags and pamphlets and give a brief description of how the event would work and where the bathrooms were.  The greatest thing is that two of my wing women, L and N, got to come because there were a few less women than men signed up.  This job is definitely going to have some perks…like being able to help my friends find love!  Once everyone had arrived my boss gave the introductory speech about how the event would run.  There was a guy, G, who I thought was really cute and we seemed to get along.  He stayed after the event and we chatted quite a bit.  It turns out that he is going to be at our next “Hot or Not” party, so I will see him again.  Otherwise 2 other guys picked me from that event.  I emailed one of them and we chatted on the phone a bit, but ultimately he was a little too old for me, so we never went out on a date.  I am excited to see G next week though!

Beauty and the Geek

I finally got in contact with the speed dating company from the Groupon event and the Hudson Terrace party and A, the woman who runs the events let me know that I could host events for them.  She decided to send me to an event to date and observe one of the other hosts. The theme for the event was beauty and the geek, for women who like geeky men.   I was really excited to see that they ran their events differently than the company where I had those long 8 minute dates.  For starters, you actually got to meet everyone who came.  This is because the dates are only 3 minutes long, which definitely was better than those endless 8 minute dates.   I was expecting the guys to be really socially awkward but I was pleasantly surprised.  They actually reminded me, for the most part of my three guys from club getaway.  My cruise friend SM, from the Hudson Terrace party, was there so we spent our “date” comparing notes.  There was one guy there who I thought was cute, although he did talk a little too much about his job.  In some ways it felt more like a job interview than a date.   At the end of the night you go onto the company website and check off the people that you are interested in and it sends them your email.  It was different from the other company because it didn’t have to be a mutual match.  Anyone who I picked would get my email and I would know if anyone picked me even if I didn’t pick them.  I was picked by 2 guys but I wasn’t particularly interested in either of them…and the guy I picked didn’t pick me.  Oh well…there’s always another event.  As a training host, I was glad to see that I wouldn’t have to go through everyone’s notes and send out emails.  Ahh, the wonders of computer programming.

My Amazing Wing Women

I would like to write this post about my amazing friends.  I met them all in dance class and have known them for years but it’s only been recently that I’ve been hanging out with them more socially.  I think they are such wonderful, beautiful, intelligent women.  I really don’t understand why any of them are single…but I’m glad they are because they make amazing wing women.  I don’t know of any other women who would jump with enthusiasm to participate in some of the crazy ideas that I come up with.  It’s great because they are also independent and daring.  They don’t need to be glued together.  At the Hudson Terrace event I saw large groups of women sitting all together complaining that there were no men there…at least no good ones.  But the truth in fact was that there were great guys there, but no man, except an incredible egomaniac would approach a group of more than 2 or 3 women by himself.   So thank you to my fantastic wing women.  I love you all!

And it’s because of my wing women that I was at the event that I met the owners of the speed dating company who have finally gotten back to me and said that I could train to host with them!  Woo hoo!

Checking out another speed dating company

While waiting to hear from the speed dating company from the Groupon and Hudson Terrace Events, one of my wing women got a deal for another speed dating company and we decided to check it out. It was speed dating for women who were 30-39 and men who were 32-40.  The ticket was only $5 and since I had never actually gone speed dating it was a great opportunity, plus, I might meet someone.   Only L and M were available for this event, and N is a little younger than the rest of us and is looking for slightly younger guys.  This company actually was doing 2 events in one night.  The other event was for an age bracket of people in their 40s.  When we arrived we were given a pamphlet with a seat assignment on it.  Once we got our drinks the event started.  The way this company worked was that you had a number assigned to you.  Each date was 8 minutes long and you only got to meet 8 people even if there were more than 8 men in your age bracket.  This was kind of frustrating because I did see a cute guy who I never got to meet.  I would have to say that most of my dates were pretty boring.  There were two guys who were pretty good looking and one of them I did not connect with but the other was a lot of fun.  On our 8 minute date we actually came up with a fun game where during each of our other dates we would look at each other and give a signal of how the date was going.  It was based on if we turned our cards away or towards each other.  Away meant it was poorly…towards meant it was going well.  It was really fun because he was my third date, so we got to play the game for a majority of the event and you had to try to make the signal without seeming obvious about what we were doing.  Then came K.  I think it would be kind to say that K was at least in his late 40s.  Even though the age bracket was for men who were no older than 40.  I have a feeling that he lied about his age because he would actually rather date women in their 30s than women who were in his own age bracket.  Besides the obvious discrepancy in his age, he was just strange!  He said he was a producer of films and he went on and on without coming up for air about his life.  To say it was the longest 8 minutes of my life would be an understatement.  I have to say that 8 minutes is WAYYYY too long.  After all, it’s called speed dating right?  After you met each guy you had to choose whether you connected with them as romantic, friendship or business interest…or not at all.   You turned your card into the host and they would email you any mutual connections that you had with the person’s contact information.  Here is what is sketchy about it…the host told us, if you are interested in someone, check them off in all three categories.  That way, if the person only checks you off as a friend or business interest, you still get their contact information and try to work on them romantically.  So while it’s a mutual connection, one party might not necessarily have honest intentions.  Also, lets be honest, I don't think anyone goes to speed dating to meet business connections.  While it might be cool if you did, that is not the intention of the event.  I did check off my game partner as a friend and we did have a match that way.  We became Facebook friends, but I never saw him again.    And unfortunately the guy I didn't get to meet didn't stay after the event, so I didn't get to meet him either.

Girls Night Out!

Since the Hudson Terrace party things have been good.  I've spoken on the phone with the guy from the Hudson Terrace party who I exchanged numbers with and we are going to try to go out soon. I still haven’t heard back from the speed dating company, but I am having a great time with my wing women.    In fact, Saturday we decided to have a girls night out.  We once again met at L’s since she has the most central location.  Tonight’s girls night has an extra partner in crime, CM.  CM is amazing and beautiful.  She is the most outgoing woman.  She met her ex on the subway one day.  She just started talking to him.  That’s the kind of girl she is and tonight it turns out is no exception.  When she got to L’s apartment she told us about the 3 guys that she met on the street who were really cute.  She got one of their numbers and told them that we would text them where we were going that night and that we would meet them.  We started out at Club Iguana which has hip hop downstairs and salsa upstairs.  The guys that she met did end up meeting us there and they definitely were cute.  But there were three of them and 5 of us.  After a couple of hours of dancing we parted ways and decided to go back to L’s apartment.  On the way though, CM started talking to some other guys and they invited us to the party that they were heading to.  I don’t know why but we decided to go…and essentially we ended up crashing some guy's birthday party.  It was a fun party but it was totally weird not knowing anyone.  That night, I had also been texting back and forth with C, the guy from Hudson Terrace and he texted me that he was going to be out in the same area.  So I ended up leaving my friends and the party of the guy I didn’t know to meet him for a drink.  However, when I got to the bar, he was with a friend of his.  The friend was a really nice guy, but it was a really awkward situation.  Clearly, C and I wanted to hang out, but his friend put a damper on the whole thing.  Although it wasn't intentional, he ended up clearly being the third wheel.  It would have been ok if there had been more friends there, or if he had told me he had a friend I would have brought one or more of my wing women.  After about an hour of talking, I decided to head home.  Alas, I have not heard from him since that night.

Hudson Terrace Event

My wing women and I had such a great time at the Slate event that when I saw that the same company was doing a singles party at Hudson Terrace it didn’t take much convincing for them to come with me.  We decided to do some pre-gaming at L’s apartment since she lives in Hell’s Kitchen.  Those Skinny Girl Margarita’s are deadly!  Despite the pre-gaming and a hysterical cab ride to Hudson Terrace with a very chatting driver, we were among the first people to arrive at Hudson Terrace.  The first person I saw in the bar was a cruise friend, SM.  SM is a guy who is very sweet, but a little bit geeky.  Ok, he's a lot geeky.  But he is very sincere.   I actually taught him how to do a jello shot on the cruise since he'd never done one before and told him that the skill of using his tongue to get the jello out of the little cup was great practice for using his tongue for other things that he had also never done before that would make him very popular with the ladies.  So all four of us go over to talk to SM and out of the corner of my eye I see three really good looking guys staring at us all with their mouths hanging open.  I could completely read the look on their faces.  How is this totally nerdy guy talking with 4 good looking women?!?  Once the party started to fill up, once again my wing women and I divided to conquer.  We did create a signal to use if we needed help at any point.  The signal was to run your index finger across your eyebrow.  If you saw that, you must immediately come to the aid of your wing woman and extricate her from the man she was with.  I'm sure this signal will come in handy in the future.  I had a really great time talking to all the guys there.  There was one gentleman who told me I was the most stylish woman in the room.  Well since I was working for LOFT at the time, I would hope so!  Can we say 50% discount!  After about an hour I saw those three guys who had been watching us talking to SA and I decided to talk to them.  I walked right up to them and said “I saw how you were looking at how my friends and I were talking to that guy”  I then proceeded to tell them that if they wanted to be successful at the event they needed to split up.  It was too intimidating for a woman to approach three good looking guys.  To that, one of them said:  “but you did.”  And I replied, “but I’m not your average woman, in fact, I think I should work for this company.   I think they do great events.”  At which point one of the guys said “Well, I own it and we are looking for speed dating hosts.”  I think my face probably looked like theirs did earlier in the night when I was talking to SA.  So the owner of the company introduced me to his partner and co-owner.   I took her card and vowed that I would contact them.  The rest of the night was fantastic.  I met a guy who I exchanged numbers, and some saliva, with and eventually made my way home. 

I have emailed the co-owner of the speed dating company twice and I hope I hear back from her.

Groupon Event

About a week after I got back from Club Getaway I saw a Groupon deal for the world’s largest speed dating event and singles party at a great bar with pool tables and ping pong called Slate.  I convinced my girlfriends L, M and N (who I will going forward call my wing women) to buy the Groupon as well and go with me to the event.   The event was a huge party with multiple speed dating events that you could choose from that you had to sign up for in advance.  You could pick one of the speed dating sessions and the rest of the night you could mix and mingle.  They had a bunch of themes which seemed like a lot of fun.  The event was 4 hours long and there were about 4 speed dating sessions each hour.  I chose to attend the Tall Men speed dating which was scheduled for about halfway through the event.  This event was amazing!  I had so much fun.  I was the first of my friends to arrive.  I was worried about being alone but it was unnecessary.  They had ice breaker questionnaires that you could use to approach people and when you filled the whole thing out you won a prize.  Say no more, if there is a prize for anything, I'm IN!  Also they had pool tables and ping pong so you could play by yourself or with your friends and it wouldn’t take long for someone to approach you to join in.  I also approached another woman who was there by herself and asked if she wanted to join my group of wing women.  She was really cool and we exchanged emails at the end of the night.  The icebreaker was really helpful and I really wanted to win the prize but eventually I found that I didn’t need it.  It was really fun just talking to people.  Once my friends arrived we actually found that we kind of split up and would occasionally find each other if we needed an escape from someone or just a break from the get to know you chit chat.  I also found it fun to introduce my friends to guys that I met who weren’t quite for me but were really nice and cute.  My friends told me I was great at it and should work for the company that was running the event.  Eventually it was time for my speed dating session.  It turns out that they were running really behind schedule because of the volume of people there, so I decided to skip the speed dating…afterall, I could visually pick out the tall guys who I would probably end up going on speed dates with.  At the bar I met a really nice guy, S, who got me a glass of water when he ordered his drink so I wouldn’t have to wait.  He offered to buy me a drink, but it was nearing the end of the night and I was done drinking.  We decided to go downstairs and play pool and ran into his friend, K, who happened to be talking to one of my friends and we all played together.   I made out with S some and we exchanged numbers and emails.  I also left the party with emails and/or numbers from about 8 other guys.  All of my wing women also had numbers and emails.  It was going to be great fun seeing what happened from there.

Following the Slate event, I emailed back and forth with a bunch of the guys…some of whom never asked me out.  S was going on a vacation right after the event and although he emailed me when he returned we never ended up getting together.  I did go out on dates with 2 of the guys, and maybe it was the excitement of the event or the shorter interactions there, but I found that while they were cute, I didn’t have much in common with them.

I was so happy that my wing women went to this event with me.  It was perfect practice for talking with strangers and I had a fantastic time.

Club Getaway

I’ve been doing internet dating on and off for years, with some success, but I wouldn’t say it’s been the best way for me to meet people.   What the cruise helped me learn is that my personality is a big part of what people find attractive about me.  And this is something that you don’t get to discover while reading through profiles and clicking on pictures.  In fact, one of my cruise buddies told me during a discussion of what type of girls he likes that I’m definitely not his “type” but he finds me attractive because of my personality.  So I decided to use this knowledge on my next adventure…Club Getaway’s 20s/30s young professionals weekend.  Club Getaway is basically like summer camp for adults (with alcohol).  During the day you play volley ball, swing from the trapeze, and water ski and at night you dance and drink the night away.  All while sleeping in air conditioned cabins with private bathrooms.  I went with some people who I met on the cruise.  They were people who I enjoyed on the cruise but didn’t spend a lot of time with.  I looked forward to getting to know them better, but didn’t feel obligated to spend all of my time with them…which was perfect. 

Club Getaway gives you a schedule of activities for each day and I spent a ton of time figuring out which ones I wanted to choose.  Archery for sure, Zumba, Bungee Trampoline, A Scavenger Hunt and Poker.  And they had pole dancing which was a lot of fun…I think I will definitely try this back in NYC.  I went to most of the activities by myself but met tons of people who have a lot in common with me and it was a great opportunity to practice talking with strangers.  My cruise friends spent most of the time lounging by the lake but I met them for meals.  The first night there was a dance where I had a great time burning up the floor.  I met these 3 guys who, while a little geeky, were really nice and fun to dance with.  The funniest thing that happened was while I was dancing with my 3 guys and my cruise girlfriends.  I really needed to go to the bathroom so I told one of the girls where I was going and she said “don’t leave…because when you leave, they all leave.”  Meaning the guys I assumed.  They did all leave the dance floor, but came back when I returned.  Saturday night there was a campfire and one of my guys gave me his smore and my cruise girlfriend was just astounded by this.  She wondered why the guys she was interested in didn’t behave that way.  When she pointed them out I noticed that the guys she liked were basically overgrown frat boys.  Yes, they were probably the best looking guys there…but they knew it and they were in a group.  My three guys were dorky and not as attractive for sure, but they were so kind and nice and attentive and generous.  I mean, a guy who gives up his smore?!?  That’s rare!  At the end of the weekend I did exchange numbers with one of the guys but he lives on Long Island so we never saw each other again.  But I will definitely go back to Club Getaway.

Lessons from a long distance relationship

So the guy from the cruise…we’ll call him PBC (Peanut Butter Cup).  I honestly thought that PBC and I were just going to be a vacation fling, but I heard from him the very next day after the cruise.  We would chat every day on gtalk and on the phone too.  A couple of weeks after the cruise he asked me if I would come visit him for Memorial Day in 5 weeks.  I told him I’d look at airfare and if it wasn’t too expensive I’d visit.  Every day he asked if I had bought my ticket yet.  Finally, the fare went down and I booked it.  We made plans for my long weekend there.  His niece was graduating from high school, so I was going to meet his whole family at a graduation party.  YIKES!  We were going to go to my favorite restaurant from when I had visited his city years ago.  The trip didn’t go exactly as I thought it would, but when I left we still had plans that he would come to NYC for 4^th of July in just a month and I felt confident that we were moving forward together.  Well, PBC did still come to New York, but that trip went even less how I expected it to.  The short version is that PBC is not ready for any kind of relationship, much less a long distance one.  But, me being the positive person that I am, tried to find the good in the experience.  Here are the lessons that I learned:

1.        Look outside the physical.  There was this one guy on the cruise who at first I was kind of smitten with.  He was so cute and seemed to be everything I wanted.  But he was BORING.  I found PBC attractive in a non-traditional way, but what really hooked me was his wacky sense of humor and his twisted intelligence.

2.       I can’t be afraid to say what I’m feeling.  On my visit to PBC we had a lack of communication that caused some confusion…He wasn't communicating and I was confused.  But I finally spoke up and asked him what was going on.  In the past, I never would have said anything and I would have left upset and angry and more confused.

3.       I need to be more open to strangers (in a safe way).  One of the things that amazed me about PBC was how he would just start talking to people.  We would go out to a bar and he would just start having conversations with strangers.  I never would do that.  Maybe it's the cultural difference between NYC and the South.  I vowed to try to talk to people I didn’t know more.

4.       When a guy says “it’s not you, it’s me” HE’S TELLING THE TRUTH!   He was dealing with some issues at the time and I’m glad that I can recognize that he just wasn’t ready or capable of a relationship instead of thinking that there was anything I could have done differently.  There wasn’t.

So thank you PBC…you made my cruise an incredible experience.  I learned a lot from my time with you and I’ll always have fond memories of Miami Beach. 

Singles Cruise

In early 2010 I finally got a clean bill of health from my primary care doctor, as well as my hematologist, cardiologist, and endocrinologist.  I was out celebrating my old high school friend’s birthday at Brooklyn Bowl with a bunch of friends.  One of them was leaving in a few days for a singles cruise.  She was worried that she wouldn’t have a good time, and I told her that the worst thing that could happen was that she would end up spending a week sun bathing and reading on a deck chair.  But the potential for meeting new girlfriends and possibly some great guys was unlimited.  I was inspired!  The very next day at work I googled “singles cruise” and found a website for a singles tour group.  Lo and behold, they had a cruise that was leaving in about 4 weeks.  I walked right into my boss’ office to ask if I could have the days off, and when she said yes, I immediately booked the trip.  Not only was it my first singles cruise, it was my first vacation ever without my family.  And I was going completely ALONE!  I was scared, but really excited.  It turns out my fears were for nothing.  I had the best week of my life!  I always knew I was friendly and could talk to people pretty easily, but I thrived in the cruise environment.  I met great people from all of the country and some from out of the country and I went on really fun excursions.  But what was most amazing for me was that I was popular with the guys.  This was a complete and utter surprise to me…a pleasant one though.   And once I decided who I was going to hang out with for the week I had a blast playing matchmaker and hooking up everyone else. 

I created a cupcake metaphor for my trip…The actual cruise, the ports and excursions were the cake, the people who I met and had a great time with were the frosting (the best part) and there was one special guy who was like a peanut butter cup right in the middle of the frosting…more on him in another post.

A catalyst for change

To say that 2009 was not a good year for me would be an understatement.  I was just about fully recovered from an elective surgery when I had a devastating side effect and almost died.  A week after my visit to the ER my apartment was broken into on my first day back at work.   And then while doing follow up from my side effect another issue was found on a CT scan.  While this blog isn’t about my health problems (from which I did fully recover), they were definitely a catalyst for change in my life.  Throughout my physical and mental recovery, one thing continued to gnaw at my mind…I was alone.  I have a wonderful family and incredible friends who took care of me and were there for me in my darkest hours, but I hated the fact that my “in case of emergency” person was (and still is) my Dad.  Once I was finally free from weekly doctor visits and the worry that came with them, I decided that I didn’t want to be alone anymore and it was time to do something about it.  2010, I knew, was going to be different for me, and I set off on a series of adventures that eventually led me to becoming a speed dating host.