A Complaint

Today we got a complaint from one of the men who attended our event on Monday.  My boss gave me permission to post the email correspondence between them:

HELLO MY NAME IS M. AS A FIRST TIME SPEEDDATER I ATTENDED YOUR ASIAN PERSUATION EVENT 12/3/12 I WAS SURPRISED NOBODY FROM (SPEED DATING COMPANY) ASKED ME IF I ENJOYED THE EVENT NEEDLESS, TO SAY I WAS DISAPOINTED FIRST I WAS TOLD BY (SPEED DATING COMPANY)TO BE AT THE EVENT 15 MINUTES EARLY BUT, THE EVENT STARTED ABOUT 1 HOUR LATE THEN, THERE WAS ONLY 13 WOMEN AND LIKE 16 MEN ALSO THIS EVENT WAS FOR PEOPLE 25-42 BUT ALOT OF THE WOMEN SEEM TO BE IN THEIR 50'S BEING THEY WERE ALL WRINKLED UP AND VERY OLD LOOKING ONLY 6 OUT OF THE 13 WOMEN APPEARED YOUNG FROM A RATING OF 1 T0 10 I WOULD GIVE THIS EVENT A 4
 
When she received the email my boss checked with me to see if I remembered the guy.  I did because that night I sat with all of the guys on one of their breaks since there were 2 more men than women.  This event did start late.  All of them do and I make sure to tell all of our daters when they arrive that we will probably start late.  However it was only about 25 minutes late, not an hour as he claimed.  We had a number of women who texted to say they were running late and I didn't want to start without them.  I told my boss that this guy seemed a little strange.  He didn't seem to be making much of an effort with his appearance (which included slicked back, greasy hair) and socially he was awkward.  I asked him if he had ever been speed dating before and he told me he hadn't.  I then asked him how it was going and he told me that he would have to wait to answer that question until after he saw who he matched with.  I told him about our New Years Eve party and other events that he had, but he told me that he wasn't really into the club scene and that's why he decided to try speed dating.  At the end of the night he darted out of the event as soon as it was over.

Based on that information, she responded to him:

M,

 

I appreciate your feedback. Asking people to show up 10-15 minute early is standard practice in the singles business with hopes that people will actually be on time. Unfortunately, that very rarely happens and is obviously beyond anyone's control. We're definitely not going to start an event on time if we're missing the majority of people. And if you go to any singles event this is more often than not, par for the course.

As for the age range of the women in attendance, I just did a quick once-over and the female attendees registered for the event were in their 20's/30's with one woman that was 40. There were definitely not women in their 50's.

We guarantee a minimum of 10 dates per event. With 13 women and 16 men (very rarely do you have an exact number of men and women) that would be considered a good turn-out.

This is actually the first email I've received from someone that was unhappy with the event. I've received 3 emails right after the event of 2 men and one woman that wanted to share how pleased they were with the event.

I went ahead and looked to see how many matches the women in attendance had, since based on your assessment of them being "wrinkled up and old" I would expect to see very few men selecting women from the event as a match. On the contrary, EVERY single woman in attendance had between 3-13 men select her as a match.

I see you selected L, K, J, A, J, K, T, L, W, N, and L as matches. That's 11 women you selected out of 13 in attendance. Interesting you would select almost 100% of the women in attendance as a match and rate the event a "4".

 

I also see that none of the women in attendance selected you as a match.

Based on this statistical assessment, my advice or response to your email would be the following. Perhaps you should check out our "Tough Love" Speed Dating event where if someone doesn't select you as a match you get to know the reason why.

I would also suggest trying a different company as if you're not happy with our service after selecting 11 out of 13 women as matches, you'll never be satisfied with our events.

Lastly, I would strongly suggest that any correspondence you send to any women you're looking to date in the on-line world not be in ALL CAPS.

 

Good luck,

A

Co-Founder

Decoding Dating Profiles: The Top 10 Guys You Want To Avoid

3. CAPITAL OFFENSE
ANY GUY THAT WRITES HIS ENTIRE PROFILE IN ALL CAPS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. I.E. "I`M JUST YOUR EVERY DAY PEOPLE AND WOULD LIKE TO MEET SOMEONE SEXY, AND DOWN TO EARTH." UH, CAPITAL "NO." IT'S AS IF THEY'RE OVER-COMPENSATING WITH LARGE FONT FOR THEIR SMALL INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY.

To which he responded:

A FEMALE DID SELECT ME AS A MATCH A J I DID NOT SELECT HER AS A MATCH I ALSO SEEN OTHER GUYS ON THE INTERNET COMPLAINING ABOUT SPEEDDATING COMPANIES AND WONDER IF SOME OF THE FEMALES ARE PAIDED MODELS WHO WORK TO KEEP GETTING GUYS TO PAY FOR DATING SERVICES THERE HAVE BEEN OTHER DATING COMPANIES WHO ALSO DO THIS SUCH AS MATCH

I DO NOT HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH SPEEDDATING AND DO NOT KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE LIE ABOUT THERE AGE OR IF FEMALES ON THESE EVENTS ARE EVEN SERIOUS ABOUT DATING BUT HAVE MET MANY WOMEN ON TELEPHONE CHATLINES WHO WERE SERIOUS ABOUT MEETING AND DATING I JUST DID THIS SPEEDDATING AS A FIRST TIME TRY OUT I DID SELECT 11 0UT OF 13 FEMALES BECAUSE SINCE I ALREADY PAIDED AND ATTEND THIS EVENT I FELT EVEN IF I WOULD BE FRIENDS WITH THEM WITH OUT DATING THEM 

 

So were the women we had old and wrinkled or were they models?  

 

Ultimately, I feel bad for the guy.  Clearly the event didn't go as he hoped it would, but I think he needs to look more at himself instead of trying to blame us or the entire singles industry for his lack of success in the dating world.

 

The Stealth Sign Up

Last night I hosted Asian Persuasion speed dating.  It was a great event.  This is one of our most popular events.  There were two more men than women, so the guys had 2 breaks during the night.  I chatted with each of them, of course telling them that I wouldn't be offended if they didn't want to chat.  One of the most interesting conversations was with a guy named S.  It turns out that his friend, who was also there, signed him up for the event and didn't tell him until the night before.  His friend was sure that S would never have signed himself up for it and if he had gotten any more warning that he would have backed out.  By the time he got to me he had about half of the dates under his belt and was having a great time.  We chatted about being out of your comfort zone and doing things that you wouldn't normally do.  I made him promise that if he ended up hitting it off with someone that he would email us his success story.  So, how would you feel if your friend signed you up for something (speed dating or something else) without telling you? 

The flake is a jerk

If you haven't yet, read this post first:  Flakiness is not attractive...unless you are a croissant

So this morning I got these 3 texts:

Hey there.  I’m S, B’s gf.  Just curious why you’re texting my guy to meet?  Thanks.

You’re prob unaware of me.  I’m texting all the girls found on his phone including the 22 year old, the sisters he asked for a 3some (or was that you? Sister lives in jersey city too?), plus many others.  Also, he has genital warts.  Be careful!

Oh and he was on the phone with me when he cancelled on you.  I have the texts he sent you too.  Nice home wrecking.

I think this is hysterical.  In all my years of dating, I’m pleasantly surprised that this is the first time that something like this has happened to me. 

I wanted to reply with this:

Dear S,  I’m sorry that your boyfriend is a douchebag.  But maybe instead of calling me a home wrecker, you should ask your boyfriend why he is going to speed dating, because that is where I met him.  He is clearly stepping out on you.  If you don’t have enough self respect to dump him, then you deserve all of the misery you are getting and will continue to get.  Oh, and good luck with the genital warts, since I’m assuming he’s probably given them to you by now.

I am not going to respond though, because I feel like this woman clearly has enough problems and I didn’t do anything wrong.  The higher road is always the better one to take and I'll just consider the whole episode with him a dodged bullet.

 

Flakiness is not attractive...unless you are a croissant

Last week at 30 something speed dating I was pretty happy with the turnout of guys.  So while I didn’t participate in speed dating I did get to talk all of them because there were 2 more men than women.  So even though I didn’t date, I added my name to the event participants so that if any were interested in me they could pick me, as I often do when there are a number of good men.  I was very happy when I got an email the next day that someone, B, had chosen me.  He is 38, 6 feet tall and from Ireland so he has a lovely accent.  I emailed him with my phone number and a the next day he texted me.  We made plans to meet for a drink this past Sunday at 4pm.  Since he was coming from Jersey City and I from the Bronx, we decided to meet near the Path train at 33^rd street.  I left my apartment at 3 and was on the subway around 3:10.  My train is above ground for 4 stops after mine, so I went underground around 3:17.  Imagine my surprise when I came out of the subway at 3:47 to get a text from B saying that he wasn’t going to be able to meet me.  I replied back that it would have been nice to get a little more advance notice since I just wasted 45 minutes getting there only to have to turn around and go home.  He then texted back that he was stuck on the phone with home. I was pissed.  It was so inconsiderate.  Assuming he texted me right after I went underground, at best he only cancelled 45 minutes in advance.   The way I feel about it, is that unless someone was dying, in an accident or there was a work emergency there is really no reason why he couldn’t hang up the phone and meet me.  Sometimes I just don't understand men.  I don't know what I'll say to him if he shows up at another event.

Playing catch up

I'm sure you've noticed that there is a big gap between 2010 and the present.  I have notes on all of the entries that I want to write and they are coming as fast as I can write them.  Thanks for reading!

My first post speed dating date

Last night I went on my first date that was a direct result from speed dating.  Of course I've done some kissing as a direct result of some of the singles parties, but this was my first actual date with someone who I met speed dating.  The date was with R2 who I met at Karaoke Lover's speed dating.  R2 is 4 years older than me.  He is divorced and has 2 daughters.  He does pharmaceutical sales and he lives in Westchester.  For many NYC'ers this would be a turn off, but since I live in the NW Bronx, it's not too bad.  He actually lives closer to me than someone in Brooklyn would.  R2 decided to take the train into the city since we were going to meet for drinks and we met at Grand Central.  From there we used our phones to find bars and actually found one nearby that did KARAOKE!  Why not, since we had that in common.   So we each put in songs to sing and got some drinks.  While we were waiting we chatted about our lives and it turns out that we have a lot in common.  The bar was crowded with a lot of karaoke regulars, so it was about 40 minutes before our names were called.  So....R2 told me about a bar in Westchester that he goes to and has won their big karaoke contest at.  When we were at speed dating we did Bust A Move together, so he didn't actually sing.  When he got up to sing, he had an ok voice, but certainly not one I'd write home about.   I wonder about the people he competed against.  Fortunately he is not trying to be a professional singer, and I really enjoyed talking with him, so it didn't matter to me what he sounded like...it was great that he wanted to participate.   The thing that sucks about the Metronorth is that the last train leaves at about 1am, so we had to end our date so he could get home.  I walked with him back to Grand Central and we made plans to go out again.  When he leaned in to give me a kiss it was very proper and chaste.  Perfect for a first date.

Bombay Dreams

I finally feel like I’ve gotten into the swing of things with hosting.  The event from a few nights ago was called Bombay Dreams.  It was for Indian women and the men who love them.  There were a lot of men who signed up for this event but not quite as many women, so I was able to invite a friend to come.  The women were all beautiful and seemed very nice and intelligent.  The men were a complete mix of everything.  There were Indian, Black, White and Latinos.  This was the first time that I was hosting an event that I didn’t fit into the theme.   However, since there were about 3 more men than women, I jumped in.  When I guy got to me I told them that even though I wasn’t Indian I was single and if they wanted to they could speed date me…or they could take a break.  Every guy except one decided to speed date me as well.  But here was the interesting thing about the man who didn’t want to speed date me.  He was white but from Europe, I’m not sure what country, but he had an accent.  After I told him that he could date me or take a break he looked at me and broke into a very stereotypical and almost mocking Indian pose with a bobble of the head and in an Indian accent told me “you aren’t Indian, why would I want to date you.”  I wasn’t offended that he didn’t want to date me because I am not what was advertised for the event.  But I found his imitation to be not the sincerest form of flattery.  I would be willing to bet that if any of the women had heard him, they would have been offended. 

So clearly, for the other men, my not being Indian didn’t matter as I was chosen by 4 guys.  I liked two of them.  They were both in the Marines.  But here is the conflict…these two guys came together.  They are in the Marines together and are good friends.  Do I email both of them?  There is one that I do think is better looking.  I think I will start with him and then see what happens.

Karaoke Lovers Update

I was really excited because the day after the Karaoke Lovers speed dating I picked both R1 and R2 and they picked me too.  Here is the email exchange between R1 and myself.  He is the one who didn't sing, but who danced with me. 

----- Original Message -----
From: R1
To: Hostess with the Mostess
Sent: Sunday, October 17, 2010 5:56 PM
Subject: So Interested

It was so great meeting you at the Karaoke event last night and I am glad we are a match. You are fun, beautiful, intelligent, and sexy. What more could a man ask for lol? Hope we can hook up and hang out one on one so that we can get to know each other better. Until later?

R1

----------------
Date: Sun, 17 Oct 2010 19:50:21 -0400
From: Hostess with the Mostess
Subject: Re: So Interested
To: R1


Oh R1....flattery will get you everywhere. I enjoyed meeting you as well. I would like to get to know you better too.

Hostess with the Mostess

----- Original Message -----
From: R1
To: Hostess with the Mostess
Sent: Sunday, October 17, 2010 9:33 PM
Subject: RE: So Interested

So, how do we start this? Are you an e-mailer, texter, prefer phone conversation? Lady's choice.

R1

----------------
Date: Sun, 17 Oct 2010 22:21:58 -0400
From: Hostess with the Mostess
Subject: Re: So Interested
To: R 1


All three work fine for me. I seem to be really busy this week, so email and texting might work best to start.  (insert my number here)

Hostess with the Mostess

----- Original Message -----
From: R1
To: Hostess with the Mostess
Sent: Monday, October 18, 2010 11:43 PM
Subject: RE: So Interested

Will call, e-mail, or text tomorrow. Night, night, sunshine

R1

So, it's been 3 days since R1 told me that he would get in contact with me, but I haven't heard anything from him.  How annoying.  Guys if you say you are going to do something, DO IT!  What a turn off!  I guess I could email him again and ask what happened, but I feel like if he was "SO INTERESTED" he would have called when he said he would.

But the greatest thing about working for the speed dating company is that I know I'll always have another event where I'll meet 10-20 more guys around the corner.  And R2 also emailed and he actually followed through.  We have a date next week.  That is the way you should do things.  Strike while the iron is hot.  I will post after our date.

Speed Dating Tip #1

I thought it would be helpful to post some of the tips that I've learned about speed dating...here is the first!

Don't talk too much about work.  This is not a job interview.  Besides just stating what you do, you really don't need to go into it. 

The the Beauty and the Geek speed dating, there was one guy who I thought was cute but he spent the entire date talking about his job.  I really didn't need to know the specifics about his computer programming job.  All I need to know is that you have some disposable income and hopefully you like your job.

Karaoke Lovers

I was really looking forward to Karaoke Lovers speed dating.  I wasn’t hosting but I definitely wanted to participate, so my boss invited me to come.  This event was speed dating and then everyone stayed to do karaoke.  It was so much fun.  It was so great to know that everyone liked to do karaoke, an automatic commonality.  The funniest speed date was with a guy who was really serious about karaoke.  I asked him what his go to songs were, because we all have them, and he whipped out his phone.  He had an entire list of karaoke songs…I’m not talking about 2-3 or even 5-6.  He had to have at least 25 songs in the file.  But what was weird was that he wouldn’t let me read the whole list.  Did he think I was going to steal his songs?  He was so protective of it and I really didn’t understand it.  He just read off a couple of the songs that he did most often.  Overall though this entire group was a lot of fun.  Everyone sang by themselves and then people started doing duets and group numbers.  When people weren’t singing they would dance to the other singers.  There were two guys R1 and R2 who I really hit it off with.  I sang Bust A Move with R2.   R1 wouldn’t sing, but we danced a few times.  There were a couple of other guys who picked me after the event, but I really liked the Rs and they both picked me.  We’ll see what happens.